I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
