I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Floor bacon is actually really good
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
