Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
