I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
