I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
