Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
