I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
