I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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