Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
