HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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