haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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