We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
