rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
