Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
