i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
