best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have already put on my inside pants.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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