im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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