No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
