I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
