I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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