There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
