actually, I'm a sock model
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
