I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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