Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
