This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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