idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
