i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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