we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
