Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
