Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
