Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
