Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
