exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
