We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
