Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
and she was petting her beer can
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
