I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
