9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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