just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
