Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
