Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
