thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
