I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
