haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
