I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
