i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
