I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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