vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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