I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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