i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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