What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
