i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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