you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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