I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
